Pensieve

Remus Lupin arrives at Grimmauld Place. He hears Harry's voice. He knew they would be here. He felt disgusted with himself. How could he have been so selfish? What had happened to him? He had always taken care to put others before him, but this time, in the name of love, he had acted so rashly, against his better judgement. In the name of love? No. If he truly loved Tonks, he would have stayed away from her, not impregnate her in a month of marrying her. He loathed himself. What did he think he was doing? Not only was he a monster, he was a selfish beast. Not only had he made his wife an outcast by marrying her, when her own family did not approve of him, he had...he had...he had left her with a child in her womb, an innocent child that would grow up to be a monster like him, only because he'd been selfish. A child who would hate him forever for his infliction. A child who was a hundred times better without him. Remus felt sick in his own skin. He did not want to be himself anymore. He should have stayed away, stayed away from Tonks. And that was what he was going to do now.

"So you're okay with leaving your kid and your wife behind and running off with us on an adventure?" Harry asks, raising an eyebrow. His tone sounded almost bitter. Remus knew what he had to say to make Harry comply.

"You don't have to tell me what it is. But I can offer you protection. James would have wanted this." There.

"I don't think my dad would have wanted you to leave your kid, who's a half breed, whose father works for the Order, behind, unprotected." Remus was taken aback. Harry had never disagreed with him before.

"You are feeling like a daredevil, are you? Trying to step into Sirius's shoes?" Remus felt like he'd been slapped.

"Harry, no," Hermione was begging him, but Harry kept going on.

"I would never have thought. The man who taught me defence against the dark arts, a coward." Remus felt the words hit him like white hot daggers. He drew his wand out and knocked Harry back into a wall. How DARE he? He stormed out, vaguely hearing Hermione calling him back.

The words kept repeating in his head again and again and again until they all mixed up and jumbled into an incomprehensible mess. He ran until his limbs ached and his lungs screamed for air. He ran and ran, trying to forget who he was, or what he had done. Then he halted. He was running, running away, again. It finally hit him. Harry was not wrong. He was a coward, who had run away from his problems, his responsibilities. He was a coward who had, for as far as he could remember, run away from himself. Mundungus Fletcher was braver than him. He had been a horrible friend who had failed to protect his best friends, he had been a horrible husband who had abandoned his wife in the time she needed him the most. But he will not be a horrible father. He will not give this child - his child - anymore reason to hate him. With this resolve, Remus headed back to Tonks's house, to face the mess he had made, to make it better, to give his best, to face himself.