Menu top image

Pensieve

musings of a potterhead

Acceptance

1 July '97

Bill Weasley lay on a bed, surrounded by his family and friends. His whole body was covered in ugly gashes, including one across his handsome face. He looked unrecognisable, grotesque.

"Ron - Dumbledore's dead," Ginny announced.

"NO!" Remus cried. It was impossible. He collapsed into a chair and put his head in his hands. He could not believe it. He looked from Ginny to Harry, surely it wasn't true? But Harry remained silent. Remus hid his face, but silent tears trickled down. He could hear a phoenix sing in the distance - a lament of terrible beauty. The war seemed hopeless now. Dumbledore was the only one Voldemort ever feared. What would they do now? Who would run the Order and give them directions? But Harry was safe, and he remembered Dumbledore's last words to him like it were only yesterday. They had to trust Harry, it seemed like Harry knew what he had to do. Besides, Tonks was safe as well, and that gave Remus a strange sort of comfort.

"He was going to be married!" Molly cried, dabbing Bill's wounds and sobbing.

"And what do you mean by zat?" Fleur challenged. "You theenk Bill will not wish to marry me anymore? You theenk, because of these bites, he will not love me? It would take more zan a werewolf to stop Bill loving me! You thought I would not weesh to marry him? What do I care how he looks? I am good-looking enough for both of us, I theenk! All these scars show is zat my husband is brave!"

"You see!" Tonks said in a strained voice. She was glaring at Remus.

"She still wants to marry him, even though he's been bitten! She doesn't care!"

"It's different," said Remus, barely moving his lips and looking suddenly tense. "Bill will not be a full werewolf. The cases are completely -"

"But I don't care either, I don't care!" said Tonks, seizing the front of his robes and shaking them. "I've told you a million times..."

Remus sighed. He loved Tonks. A lot. But she was young, and whole. She deserved someone like herself, someone better. He was unworthy of love, unworthy of such a wonderful woman. He did not deserve it. He was too filthy to ever love someone, or receive their love. He was too inferior, too monstrous. Nobody deserved such a fate as to get entangled with him for the rest of their lives.

"And I've told you a million times," he said, refusing to meet her eyes, staring at the floor, "that I am too old for you, too poor...too dangerous..."

"I've said all along you're taking a ridiculous line on this, Remus," Molly said.

"I'm not being ridiculous," Remus replied steadily. "Tonks deserves someone young and whole."

"But she wants you," Arthur said with a small smile. "And after all, Remus, young and whole men do not necessarily remain so." He gestured sadly at his son, lying between them.

He felt all their eyes on him. He dared to raise his eyes and look at Tonks, who was gazing at him expectantly.

"This is...not the moment to discuss it," he said, looking around distractedly. "Dumbledore is dead..."

"Dumbledore would have been happier than anybody to think that there was a little more love in the world," said Professor McGonagall curtly.

Remus sighed. He had thought he was incapable of love, too damaged to be loved by someone. But here was Tonks, loving him for who he was and what he was. This time, instead of suppressing his feelings, he held her hands. She smiled at him, tears glistening in her eyes. He smiled back at her. And he didn't care. Tonks loved him.